DROP FUNCTION IF EXISTS `strip_accents`; DELIMITER $$ CREATE FUNCTION `strip_accents`(bubba VARCHAR(240)) RETURNS varchar(240) CHARSET utf8 DETERMINISTIC BEGIN DECLARE clean_string VARCHAR(240); SET clean_string = REPLACE(bubba, 0xC384, 'A'); SET clean_string = REPLACE(clean_string, 'test', 'BUG'); RETURN clean_string; END $$